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Wino Wednesday – Why I Don’t Trust People Who Don’t Drink

September 5, 2013

There are many wonderful and amazing things in this world.  Things to appreciate and be in awe of, such as landscapes and architecture when you travel.  And smaller things, like when your husband does the dishes without being asked, or the pool is devoid of screaming bratty children.  But did you know, that all of these things can be even further improved with a glass of the right wine? (Or a cocktail, but I’m a wine lover as you all know….use your imagination and just -insert drink here-).

Excluding actual alcoholics, which I’m still not labeling myself as yet, I don’t understand people who can’t appreciate all that a good drink or three brings you.  What makes them wake up, head to that great anniversary steak dinner….and order a Coke.


You’re doing it wrong.

Even worse, people that go to fabulous tropical beachy settings and sip water all day.  Those umbrella drinks aren’t going to sip themselves people!  What is it these people have against cutting loose a little and enjoying things even more?  Ever try to do a fun activity with them, and watch them just suck the life right out of it?  I once went camping with one of these degenerates, and they just sat there while I drank my beers.  Gee, thanks for being a judgmental buzz kill.

We all know the best friends are the ones you can just sit around having a few drinks with and do nothing.  So what do those ‘other’ people do?  I promise, it’s much more fun to talk about Ryan Reynold’s ass  and the skinny bitch you saw on the treadmill earlier if you’re having a drink.  I’m suspicious of what you do with your hands otherwise.  And how do you know when it’s time to leave if you can’t count the wine bottles?

Perhaps most important of all: how are you supposed to go wine tasting!?!  It’s one of the best ways ever to spend a Saturday, and they NEVER do it.  I don’t know how to explain to them what they’re missing out on.  Of course, these are likely the same people trying to explain to me what I’m missing out on with children…as theirs pitch a massive fit in the background white trying to drown the cat.

In conclusion, I think we need to round up all these poor, sad souls, and slip them some sauce in the form of a fruity bitch drink they won’t taste it in.  Once they’re sufficiently buzzed, we will clue them in to the wonderful world that they have been missing.


Do any of you have one of these ‘sober’ friends?  What do you do with them??


From → Wino Wednesdays

  1. Billy permalink

    Get different friends…

  2. Laura and I usually have one or two drinks in the evening. It’s just a norm for us. I can’t recall having one of those sober friends thank god lol. But I was some what of an alcoholic my senior year so all my friends drank too. I’ve toned the partying down but still enjoy a few drinks to wind down.

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