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Wearing Scrubs Does Not Make Me a Nurse

September 21, 2013

Just thought I would point this out again because there seems to be some confusion today.  First, there was the man at the gas station (to be fair I think he was drinking 4 Loko or various hooch from a bag), who decided his pickup line would be, “Hey nurse!  I got something for you to take care of!”  Obviously, I swooned that instant.

Then I had my final client of the day.  I really shouldn’t make fun of this, because it’s a legit therapeutic issue…but this guy is a regular and a douche, so it’s happening.

He strolls in late, with his five year old in tow, who will be playing video games in the room during the massage.  He then proceeds to tell me that he’s “having a gluten attack, so I’m very constipated.  Also, my trapezoids hurt.”  Hmm…well stop eating gluten dummy, because you tell me about your gluten problems every time you come in.  Also, I know you always come in knowing everything there is to know, so maybe you can tell me how to work your math problem.  There is definitely no ‘trapezoids’ that I’m aware of on the body.

Whatever, I let it go.  I know what he meant of course.  We get through most of the massage, and then it’s abdominal time to see if we can, ah, get things flowing.  He looks right at me, “This isn’t going to make me crap the bed, is it?”  He’s dead serious.  Um…no.  Do you really think I offer a massage that allows someone to shit the bed that I have to clean up?

We finished up the hour, shit free, and he went on his way, presumably to rush home and take a healthy dump.

Finally, I leave you with this.  I received coupons from Target today, in keeping with today’s health theme.  I know it’s supposed to be a pill bottle….but does anyone else think it just looks like a stubby fat penis?

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From → Daily Rambles

One Comment
  1. Sharon permalink

    I can’t tell you how this made me laugh. Your a crack up Chey!

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